Have an appt with NP today. I am making a list here of what is most important to discuss with her.
- Sleep
- Itch
- Biting Tongue
- PTSD?????
NP didn’t call but her office called later this afternoon and apologized for not checking messages sooner. Rescheduled for Friday.
Another dud day, not as bad as yesterday. Daughter and I smoked weed watched movies and hung out. I enjoy hanging with her so much.
Watching video about 11 oddly specific childhood trauma issues and it seems I hit all 11. I can really relate strongly to most of them. I am reliving the feeling I went through before I left NL and moved to the Yukon. I was afraid all the time. Fear of going to work because I may “be in trouble” once I got there and all was good, I was ok until I had to go home, then it was fear that I may “be in trouble”. Day in and day out. Never realized how far back the anxiety and depression went.
Even when I sold crochet, I always felt it wasn’t good enough. I did some work with photoshop and never felt it was good enough. I did web design back many many years ago and never felt it was good enough.
Why do I always have to be the better person? Put myself in someone else’s place to see how they would feel. I hate the thought of hurting someone.
Mom when she Came to the Yukon for me to have baby #1. “you don’t mind going out anywhere being pregnant” as if it was something wrong. I never realized until right now what a dig that was. Unwed, living in sin and pregnant should be embarrassed or ashamed to be out in public.
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